Jeremy sat up from the dust and debris strewn floor. All he had to show from his idiotic suicide attempt was a coating of white powdered plaster from the now collapsed ceiling and a handful of cobwebs in his hair.
Paul would murder him if he ever found out. He decided to vacate the room as fast as possible and act innocent. He ran across the hall to the main bathroom and began to clean the dirt off with a clothes brush. As he worked, he heard Paul pound up the stairs to find the source of the crashing noise that the falling ceiling had caused.
Paul entered his parent's bedroom and practically screamed the house down when he saw the destruction. Once Jeremy had removed every speck of dirt he joined his friend in the demolished room.
"Paul! what as that?" said Jeremy, feigning concern and ignorance.
"The roof collapsed!" exclaimed Paul, pointing to the ruined bedroom. "My parents are going to kill me."
"You didn't do anything, it just collapsed."
"They'll never believe that. They'll send me off into exile."
"We'll think of something, mate." said Jeremy, trying to re-assure his friend.
Brian came up the stairs and joined the other two.
"Hey fellas, I heard a noise, what happened?"
Paul looked at the new arrival coldly: "Who let you in?"
"Lisa."
"Well, you weren't invited."
"We brought beer."
"You can stay, I guess."
"So what happened? Spontaneous roof collapse?"
"Yeah." said Jeremy. "It looks like that."
"Insurance will cover it. Just tell your parents the truth, none of us caused it. Ring them in an hour or two, tell them you were at the cinema and came home and it was like this."
"My Dad's a solicitor, he'll know I'm lying. Besides, I was forbidden from having a party, if they know anyone was here I can say goodbye to ever being allowed outside again."
"Well then, my friend...you are screwed. Dutch Gold?" said Brian, offering his half empty can to Paul.
Paul took the can and knocked it back. It might be the last alcoholic beverage to pass his lips for some time.
"I see all the colours." said Maura. "So pretty!"
She rolled around on the carpet, trying to touch every fibre.
"You idiot. Look what you did? Since when are ecstasy tablets a treatment for headaches." said Lisa.
"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry." lied Sean.
"You're going to have to look after her. How long will those last?"
"I don't know. A few hours?"
"Christ. Could this evening get any worse?"
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it, It's probably the GAA lads."
Lisa left the room. Maura stayed on the ground, giggling as the paracetemol went through her system. Sean wondered how it could have this effect. it must be that placebo thing he'd heard about, like when you gave someone water and told them it was vodka and they got really drunk on nothing.
The sound of a herd of elephants rampaging through the hall probably meant that the local football team had arrived in the house.
The door swung open and about half the team entered. All of them were carrying enough alcohol to destroy the hardiest of livers. They started talking about their favourite topics: themselves. Sean had never met a GAA player who didn't love himself deeply. After a minute of hearing them blather on, Sean decided that he needed another beer and left the room to go to the kitchen. Maura would be OK for a few minutes.
Sean grabbed two beers from the fully stocked fridge and returned to the living room. Maura was nowhere to be found.
Sean ran from the room and began to search the house. She must have wandered off in some faux-drug addled daze. Then Sean noticed that the front door had been left open. He dashed out into the garden.
"Maura! Where are you?" he cried.
"I'm up here!" she responded from the edge of the roof, two stories above.
"How did you get up there?"
"I floated. Whooooo!" She laughed.
"I'm going to get a ladder, don't do anything!"
"It's Ok." She said. "I can fly!"
She jumped off the roof and landed in a patch of shrubs. Sean ran over and pulled her out of the foliage. She was unharmed.
"I'm amazing! I'm the queen." Maura shouted at the sky.
"You're a fricken moron. Those were headache tablets!"
"Bullshit. I can see through time. Anadin doesn't do that to you." said Maura as she got to her feet, kicked off her shoes and ran barefoot across the grass.
Sean sighed. He was beginning to regret every wanting to stick his tongue down the throat of a woman who was so dumb.
Maura danced across the lawn for a few minutes but then lost interest and started staring at the gravel on the drive-way as if it contained the secrets of the universe. Sean grabbed her by the arm and gently pulled her back towards the house.
The footballers were getting loud and boisterous as they shouted above each other in an attempt to be heard over each other's bragging. Within seconds it had degenerated into a full on brawl. People were punched and headbutted, objects were thrown and the living room window was smashed.
Paul, Brian and Jeremy rushed downstairs as they heard the fight start. It was war. Furniture was smashed to kindling as the footballers wrestled and tried to strangle each other.
Paul waded in to the melee and tried to calm things down. He was punched in the head for his troubles and crawled back out of the chaos into the hall, clutching his face. Blood gushed out of his nose.
"What is going on in there?" asked Brian.
"Someone sold the footballers alcohol." said Paul.
"Bad call."
"We need to break that up before they destroy the house." said Jeremy. He ran off to the kitchen and grabbed the fire extinguisher that was kept in a corner near the back door.
He returned to the living room and sprayed the fighters with the foam from the extinguisher. They stopped combatting each other as they slipped and slid around the slick, foamy carpet.
"Get out of my house." said Paul.
The footballers got to their feet and sheepishly exited the building.
Paul surveyed his destroyed living room as Lisa, Maura and Sean rejoined the group. He sat down and wept in terror.
"Paul, no offence..." said Brian. "But this party sucked."
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